Hi. I would like to share a story with you based on my own experiences. They say God works in mysterious ways. "They" also forgot to add, But not too mysterious where we can't comprehend the meaning later if we do our part and "listen." Although we feel down and out, sometimes depressed due to the pressures of life, we tend to forget just how strong we are. That being said, here's my story:.........
In this complex rat race of who-did-what-to-whom, he-say she-say, keeping-up-with-the-Joneses-type of lifestyle and other countless rigamorale, we tend to get soo caught up in the reckless aspects of life: Why don't I have this or that? Why can't I be like this person? Why me?
Right after Thanksgiving, I really wanted to isolate myself from its holiday meanings and festivities. Especially when I got a call from my nephew, which I haven't seen in 2 years..needless to say my entire family. So what was the excuse I was going to use this time??? Economy? I do remember me traveling back and forth to home before all of this bailout recession crap began. Nah, too used up. My job won't let me? Who's fault is that? Who picked the job? Damn! As I was looking for all excuses of why instead of what must I do, I became more and more morbid. Reflecting on my overall goals, my shortcomings, where I am at this point in life, that sort of thing. My friend in his own way invited me over to his friend's family's house. Me being a little shy and withdrawn was reluctant to go. It was already predestined in my mind a cup of ramen ain't that bad when you consider the solitude one deserves to have. On the other hand, it wasn't going to make a bit of difference if I went or not. Besides, I teach my beloved niece and nephews about strength and the power to prevail. So I ironeed my clothes, brushed my hair, and my friend and I left out to the event.
The drive there was long and boring due to no radio(don't you just hate a faulty factory radio?) I was concerned about my demeanor so I tried snapping out of my negative spirit and spark a conversation on the way there. "So, how's the family man?" "Shee, ain't nothin changed my man. The same..." he says in a broodish tone. Whoa, that didn't work out too well. So on that note, to avoid no conflict, I declined from further persistence, lol. What did make me smile was just visualizing me with my family riding to the mall as we ate fast food. Teasing my nephew and him hitting me for it.
Finally we arrived at our destination. I was a little stand offish and my approach was awkward. I'm looking at the game but I'm listening to all of these personal issues these strangers were going through. I could relate away. I began talking about my own as they began to show concern. Upon doing that, the debate of problems transformed into rolls of laughter. Even I found myself in a jovial mood despite my irresolution. Suddenly my negative aura started to change. The peaceful energy was so thick, it suffocated the gloomy, morbid energies. Wow! There was so many smiling and friendly faces about! Who in the world wanted to stay a grinch? Strangers became family. Family became closer. I felt so comfortable even though these people weren't my family. However, the same Godly love that surrounds my family was apparent there as well. After 2 hours and chatting, laughing, and having a good time together later, my friend and I gave our gratitude and parted ways. I remembered that despite how good I felt, sooner or later I would have to face the truth: I'm not in Saint Louis with my real family, I'm going back to an empty home, and plus, I needed to get something to drink for later so I'd best stop at a convenient store. "What the hell are u doing," dude? says my friend. "Stopping at the store man chill out," I said. So I pulled in at the parking lot. He decided to go in as well. I came out before he did.
As I gazed into the charcoal colored sky with no luminous glories at all, I discovered something: As I looked up, I lost myself in the darkness. Kept looking up, visualizing me and my family one day driving to places enjoying ourselves one day. I envisioned this so strong it almost felt like they were there with me. It was as if the dark sky became my sketchbook and I was the master artist.
Wouldn't you know it....I got a call from my family at that instant! Man it felt so...good. This had bought somewhat of a tear in my eye. Upon looking up, I felt a cramp in my neck as people were looking at me strange and my friend comes out the store shaking his head in embarrassment. All of the sudden it pained me so terribly bad to look up. Regardless of how I wanted to look at it, I can't look up all the time. But at the same token, the feeling of positive energy felt good when I do. So I stayed focused on looking up. The more I focused, things that hindered me started to disappear. I looked back, there was my friend nagging and people of my ugly past I wanted to take revenge on. I looked left and right, the roaring of police sirens dampened my mood. I looked down, it felt good to rest my neck from the strain of looking up, but I could not see anything in front of me. I wonder how the birds feel when they are in the air as they are blessed with so many opportunistic ideas of freedom. Do their necks hurt? What happens when they arrive at their destination? Do they still look up for more haven? Or are they just satisfied?
So regardless of my failures, shortcomings, dramatizations of cowardice, I have no other choices in order for me to move ahead but to look up. At times and many times we all want to keep looking down because
1) it's easy to do.
2) there's no purpose in the matter for it.(disparity)
While it's easier said than done, despite any obstacles blocking our goals, be it friends, family, co-workers, even our spiritual brothers and sisters, we must always keep looking up.
